Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
