So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
