stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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