You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
