Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
