Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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