This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He has the fingertips of a God
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
