She's JV to your varsity
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
