So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
