I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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