Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
