Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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