you guys were way drunker than both of me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
