Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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