his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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