Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
