so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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