i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
