They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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