return my video game
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
