So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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