the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
as a side note pls kill me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
