His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
