He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
