I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
