I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
