so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
