yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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