You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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