so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
