does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
