just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
