I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
