wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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