Kiss
Puke
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
