I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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