fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
