Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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