is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
