u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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