a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
