OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I want to fling myself into the sun
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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