We're like a lot better than the average bears
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
