So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
