I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
