his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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