fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
