I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
