Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
