Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
