WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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