In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
