I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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