I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
A+ Viking dick
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
